ALL NIGHTERS, HENS AND MEN'S DANGLY BITS

So after a number of weeks of serious preparation, 30 000 emails a day, numerous trips to PnP, Woolies and Adult World, the day had finally arrived… It was The Bride’s Hen Party Weekend in Hermanus! Woop Woop! The Bridesmaids set out after work together in an attempt to get there the day before in order to prepare everything for the following morning/afternoon/evening festivities. With the greatest intentions, we went out for dinner to the Local down the drag and started what turned into one of the awesomest all nighters ever! There was wine (obviously), lots and lots of silly girl talk and of course, penises. Lots and lots of penises… Now at this stage it’s only the day after the event and I’m still rather over them at the moment, so apologies for not breaking into the song “Big ones, small one’s and some as big as your head!”

Anyway, we talked and laughed, and cut up porn mags, and made 30 “SEXonds” and talk and laughed some more. We drank way too much wine, smoked way too many little cancer sticks and pretty much had a ball. We did however have one crises moment when it was suddenly discovered that there were no more cancer sticks left. Either they had grown little cancer stick people legs and taken off, or we in fact had done away with them ourselves. By the look of the ashtrays, my money was on the latter! So, crisis management Crazii kicked in, car keys were found and the petrol station (200m down the drag) was driven to. Cigarettes were bought, chips thrown in for good measure and a few stray chockies here and there for breakfast. Crises aborted, Hen’s happy… until we realized the time… 10am Saturday morning and we have done sweet frek all about food prep and the rest of the hen’s are arriving in 3 hours!!!

Back in the car and to Spar for numerous Redbulls, some odds and sods and booze.

Checkout Counter Lady: Good Morning, would you like a bag for these?
Crazii: Yes please, bags are gooooood…
Checkout Counter Lady (with strange look on her face): Right, okay, that’ll be R79.27.
Crazii: Okie Dokie, here's my card… hmmm, that’s weird, my card seems to have taken a leaf out of the cancer sticks books and scadaddled… bother!
Checkout Counter Lady: Is there a problem?
Crazii: Yes, my card has divorced me without a word. Note even a note or anything, I’m completely devastated.
Checkout Counter Lady: Lady, you’re holding up the queue, would you mind stepping to the side?
Crazii: My life is over, how could he be so cruel and do this to me. I thought we were best friends. I looked after his needs, made sure I always spent him on the good things in life. Nothing cheap and nasty, only the best for my little plastic Angel… The Traitor!
Checkout Counter Lady: Lady please, you’re causing a scene, please pay for your items or step away from the checkout counter.
Crazii: You’re right, I’m sorry, he’s not worth it… he’s my *choke* debit card (Silent pray, please don’t be declined, please do be declined)
Checkout Counter Lady: Sign here…
Crazii: Thank you Checkout Counter Lady, it’s always nice to know who your friends are in times like these!

Redbulls, some odds and sods and booze in the car and a fairly good idea of where that Traitor had gone, I set off, Redbull in hand and progressive hangover setting in, onwards and upwards back to, yes, you guessed it, The Petrol Station. But before I can get there, I get a call from one of the lovely Bridesmaids asking if I could please buy some paper cups for our delectable punch... Sure, no problem, back to Spar.  Paper cups in hand and at the till point again. Open wallet to find (again) no cash or credit card, bother.

Crazii: Excuse me?
Man standing next to me at till point: Yes?
Crazii: Would you like to buy my paper cups for me?
MSNTMATP: I'm sorry?
Crazii: You see I have no money and my credit card has left me for a cheaper model and these paper cups are the corner stone of our Hen Party!
MSNTMATP: Okay... well sure, how much?
Crazii: R14 and a smile!
MSNTMATP: No problem.
Crazii: Thank You! (Give him a big hug). I love you Hermanus folk!

Back into my little fast car and back to the Petrol Station

Setting Scene: Crazii walks in rather sheepishly to the petrol station hoping not to be noticed as the hangover eyes and Crazii hair have officially set in.

Petrol Station Attendant: YOU! (pointing directly at me, unless her and the confectionary section were on good terms)
Crazii: yes...
Petrol Station Attendant: You! Lady, your credit card had a nap over at our petrol station
Crazii: Well, yes, you see, I sort of… WHAT! That cheating bastard. So who was it, huh! Some little blue Std Bank Floozy… not wait, I bet you it was that little green number from Nedbank… that little skank!
Petrol Station Attendant: Right, okay, well would you like it back?
Crazii: Back! I’m not taking that cheating son of a gun back under my wing… well yes, alright, thanks very much, bye

Order restored and it was back to the house for the festivities! Some tame games while the “oldies were around” before changing into our Hells Angels kit and kicking it up a notch with 30 “SEXonds” and Sexy Charades! With the punch flowing and the feet starting to get itchy we headed out in our boom box taxi to Shimmi to dance into the early hours of the morning!

Thank you Hen's, Bride and Bridesmaids, it was awesome!