HAPPY FRIDAY PEEPS!

I’ve been told that I’m rather scary at times. This usually said to me in a casual environment over a few glasses of bubbles and me in casual clothes. The conversation usually goes like this:

Person 1: Wow, I can’t believe you can do casual.
Me: What?
P1: When I first met you, you were really scary!
Me: How?
P1: Well you were all corporate woman like and I thought you probably had a whip down your stockings.
Me: Oh wow, that’s really sweet, but no I’m not actually that scary unless it calls for it.
P1: And when does it usually call for it?
Me: If you meet me on site in casual clothes, I’d say you should start praying.
P1: F*CK.

So you must understand my current state. I have been on site all week, working with The City Beneath the Mountain suppliers who pretty much have “waka waka” between their heads and nothing else. My patience is non existent, my quads are still aching and my hot physio is MIA. This I’m pretty sure has something to do with Wednesday’s session and me saying something to the effect of impending doom should he feel the need to ever mention or in fact try and put my on that bicycle contraption ever again! I now contend with the very sweet receptionist who feels the need to apologize for Hot Physio’s lack of appearance but assures me each session is for the benefit of my running future and would I mind even so much if I could stop screaming and chasing all other client’s away.

Receptionist: Crazii please, just get on the bike and finish your session.
Me: ARE YOU MAD! That thing was made by the devil without a sense of humour!
Receptionist: Please Crazii, just get on.
Me: Listen up People. All of you who are here for Glucox Eccentric Training stand up!
Crowded Room: *nobody stands*
Me: You see, look what you and that machine have done. These poor people can’t even stand, how do you expect them to resist that machine???

At this point a very sweet woman walks over to me and tells me it’s her first session and how bad is it really. I explain to her in detail the process involved, the endurance calculator and torque metre, the strength training gauge and the firey inferno that starts gripping your upper quads and just before she passes out I manage to slip in that there’s actually no need to worry, I have a better solution. With the blood returning to her face, she perks up hugely and emits a sigh of relief.

Half an hour later we’re sitting at the bar together over a glass of bubbles under the guise that the sparkiling wine of South Africa has energizing qualities due to the fermentation process and there’s absolutely no need to torture one’s self on a bike when drinking champers re-energizes with less agony and definitely more sparkle!

Happy Friday Peeps!

GO BAFANA GO!

Now that the pain has subsided and I am actually able to speak again, let alone walk, I have a very large bone to pick with my hot physio! WTF were you thinking putting me on that wretched machine. Seriously, when I asked if this would make me stiff and you said maybe, what you should have said was: “No, not stiff, agonizingly painful to such an extent that your body will immediately age 50 years, you will lose the ability to walk let alone walk up and down stairs and all words that exit your mouth will be of the profane variety!”. Nobody is hot enough to get away with this and when I see him again tomorrow for my third and what is known as “getting used to” session there will be words!

On a lighter note and a subject I have not really touched on since the whole process started, The World Cup. Although I have not watched any games save for the opening game where we did out damdest against Mexico, I am very proud to be South African at the moment. The general vibe and gees around Johannesburg and Cape Town is amazing let alone the copious numbers of seriously friendly (and often rather cute) foreigners! Barring the very unusual traffic jams in Cape Town, I have not heard a bad thing said about us as a host country and I challenge anyone to try!

I believe Bafana Bafana are playing today and we need something short of a miracle to get through into the second round. This said, miracles have been known to happen and all I can say is “GO BAFANA GO!” Blow those Vuvuzelo’s Peeps, feel it, it is here!

ECCENTRIC, ME? PFFT!

So now that I am officially back to reality, I actually have to pay attention to the details of my life that need assistance ie: my knee (and my French I have decided, but that is another story). So as the diligent, non selfish runner that I am, I took myself off to “The Knee Guy” (note the element of sarcasm, I was pretty much bound and gagged by the physio). Wow was he a ball of laughs! (The Knee Guy, my actual physio is wonderful.)

The Knee Guy: So, where do you have pain?
Me: Ummm…. (panic eyes setting in, check label on door, yip definitely in the right place), my knee?
TKG: Yes, which one?
Me: Ah, right, the left one.
TKG: (pulling and shifting and doing whatever he was doing) any of this hurt?
Me: Well if I was an elastic band, maybe not, but as it would have it, YES!
TKG: Okay, I think you need an MRI
Me: Wow, you’re a genius, that’s what I thought I was here for…

20 minutes under a machine that you have to sit deathly still in, otherwise your images come up looking like one of my cake disasters, my results come in.

TKG: Wow, there’s a lot of inflammation around the Patella and ITB joint. You could have lsdkjflsjflsjkflkjaslkfjlskjf…………
Me: Excuse me, anglais s’il vous plait?
TKG: No running for 2 months and eccentric strength training for 8 weeks, 3 times a week.
Me: Is that for my personality or my knee?
TKG: Here’s your script, physio is upstairs.
Me: Right, bye Mr Cheerful.

And upstairs I trot (literally running up the stairs as my way of being very adult about this whole process and sticking my tongue out at the man downstairs) to meet my physio.

Me: Hello, I’m here to see my physio.
Receptionist: Okay, please take a seat, he’ll be out shortly.
Me: *SWOON* Helllllooooooo….
Hot Physio: Hello Miss Crazii, what can I do for you today?
Me: Hmmm. Well if you really want to know… ummm, I mean, script, dude downstairs, something about being Crazii?
HP: Ah yes, eccentric strength training.
ME: that’s the one.
HP: Right, come with me
Me: With the greatest of pleasure…

And then he put me on a bicycle…

Me: WTF???
HP: What you have to do is resist the momentum of the bicycle.
Me: Why?
HP: Because it will strengthen the muscles around the knee cap and quads so we can get you out of here and back on the road.
Me: Well firstly I don’t really want to leave and I’ve never given up on the road.
HP: So you’re still running then?
Me: yeeeesssss…..
HP: You know that will hamper your progress and you will be here for longer?
Me: Perfect, how much mileage a week will keep me here until I’ve met your mom?
HP: Right, I can see you’re going to be one of “those” patients…
Me: By those you mean the one you want to take home to meet your mother?
HP: No, buy those I mean difficult.
Me: Let’s call me eccentric and see where that gets us…

Needless to say I peddled, or in fact resisted peddling for the duration of the session and am due back again on Saturday. I think this might be the first time I’m excited to be on a bicycle in spandex, sweating.

JE SUIS DE RETOUR!

I’m home!!! Wow has this been the most epic of 2 weeks ever! Not only have I been in The Big Smoke all this time, but I have also eaten dinner at the most beautiful of restored decommissioned power stations, viewed and held William Kentridge, Pablo Picasso and Braque; watch Bafana Bafana open The World Cup in style at Miriam Makeba Fan Park; traveled to the airport on The Gautrain and literally built, furnished and made miracles with a team of the most incredible people this planet has to offer! Jozi has been insane. In true Big Smoke style, not a lot of sleep was had, much work was achieved and intimate never to be repeated experiences were had!

To begin, I arrived to have dinner at what I view as one of the most beautiful buildings of our time. Turbine Hall, as it’s name sake suggests, used to be a power station that has now become a conference and fine dining venue. Our dinner was held in what used to be the basement and what is now a luxurious space in between the original turbines. Jazz music surrounded the space and we ate and drank food befitting our glorious setting. And to add true style to the evening, our table decided the theme of the night was “High Rollers” ala classic 50’s style… to say we looked sexy and stylish would be the understatement of the year!

The next epic adventure was the beginning of what I fondly term “Project Mayhem”. My big, huge, ginormous, frighteningly large installation began with a fervor of late trucks, misguided delivery vans, friendly painters and electricians and one woman trying to manage it all. Monday morning started with a bang with Stuttafords arriving spot on time with furniture for a 30 room house… except with one rather large problem. The house still unfinished and unpainted could not in a million years yet accommodate what will eventually turn out to be it’s beautiful internal dressing. Not a chance, not on Monday and by the looks of things, not for a good few days. Never mind the late carpets stuck in customs somewhere, the lost electrical switches and the wallpaper destined to join us from China of all places. Wooosssaaa being the word of the day we began what became the longest, tiring and fulfilling 14 hours, 14 days solid workathon!

In between I managed to get on the back of a few horses (literally for all those filthy minds out there), be part of the new concept of “Date Night Thursday”, watch the girliest (and I might say rather disappointing) Sex and The City 2 with one of the coolest chicks around and eat my body weight in wonderful home cooked meals nearly every morning and evening!

Some pics below of the awesomeness that was the opening of the world cup (and yes were were all dressed in overalls that said BAFANA; blowing vuvuzelo’s and acting as one is allowed in times like these, as proper soccer hoolligans) and bidding my farewell to The Big Smoke in True London Style. It only took us 40 years, but well done Jozi, The Gautrain is awesome!

There are so many details I am leaving out which I will in due course extrapolate on, with my mind reeling I’m afraid, that’s all for now. Any questions/comments are always warmly and eagerly anticipated!

Hello City beneath the Mountain, Crazii is home and happy!