Yay! Aaahhh...

Travelling, yay! Delayed, aaahhh… Meeting friends, yay! Family coming too, aaahhh… But going on holiday, yay! Going to lose a day because delayed, aaahhh... This is a game The Cousin plays with everything in life in general. And this is how I currently feel about my travelling element to work. I like traveling, when it entails me getting to the destination to enjoy the journey. This is not currently so with work. Although The Big Smoke is better than say, going to Mongolia, it is currently putting a very large damper on my romantic and social life with local family and friends, aaahhh… However, as I do have family and another extensive group of friends in The Big Smoke, I am never sitting on my ace wishing I was in Mongolia, yay! That being said however, I do spend an unimaginable amount of time in airports. And by airports I mean McGinty’s in Jozi and Rhapsody’s in Cape Town. I think the barmen even recognizes me because I always get a “complimentary Savannah” as I arrive, yay! But I do end up consuming enough to outway that complimentary 10-1, aaahhh. Anyway, I digress…

The point of this little rant is that I am always delayed. Aaahhh... Always, aaahhh... And it never comes with a Business Class upgrade, aaahhh... Can you see where this is going??? I always end up sitting alone, having just dropped half a bar at Exclusive Books (because I do have a problem, I feel the same way about books as I do about shoes, need I say more) and consuming my body weight in carbo filled cider.

And right now is no different. 2 Savanna’s down, a 2 hour delay ahead of me and a declined credit card at Exclusive Books I feel the only think to say is, aaahhh…

JE SUIS DE RETOUR!

I’m home!!! Wow has this been the most epic of 2 weeks ever! Not only have I been in The Big Smoke all this time, but I have also eaten dinner at the most beautiful of restored decommissioned power stations, viewed and held William Kentridge, Pablo Picasso and Braque; watch Bafana Bafana open The World Cup in style at Miriam Makeba Fan Park; traveled to the airport on The Gautrain and literally built, furnished and made miracles with a team of the most incredible people this planet has to offer! Jozi has been insane. In true Big Smoke style, not a lot of sleep was had, much work was achieved and intimate never to be repeated experiences were had!

To begin, I arrived to have dinner at what I view as one of the most beautiful buildings of our time. Turbine Hall, as it’s name sake suggests, used to be a power station that has now become a conference and fine dining venue. Our dinner was held in what used to be the basement and what is now a luxurious space in between the original turbines. Jazz music surrounded the space and we ate and drank food befitting our glorious setting. And to add true style to the evening, our table decided the theme of the night was “High Rollers” ala classic 50’s style… to say we looked sexy and stylish would be the understatement of the year!

The next epic adventure was the beginning of what I fondly term “Project Mayhem”. My big, huge, ginormous, frighteningly large installation began with a fervor of late trucks, misguided delivery vans, friendly painters and electricians and one woman trying to manage it all. Monday morning started with a bang with Stuttafords arriving spot on time with furniture for a 30 room house… except with one rather large problem. The house still unfinished and unpainted could not in a million years yet accommodate what will eventually turn out to be it’s beautiful internal dressing. Not a chance, not on Monday and by the looks of things, not for a good few days. Never mind the late carpets stuck in customs somewhere, the lost electrical switches and the wallpaper destined to join us from China of all places. Wooosssaaa being the word of the day we began what became the longest, tiring and fulfilling 14 hours, 14 days solid workathon!

In between I managed to get on the back of a few horses (literally for all those filthy minds out there), be part of the new concept of “Date Night Thursday”, watch the girliest (and I might say rather disappointing) Sex and The City 2 with one of the coolest chicks around and eat my body weight in wonderful home cooked meals nearly every morning and evening!

Some pics below of the awesomeness that was the opening of the world cup (and yes were were all dressed in overalls that said BAFANA; blowing vuvuzelo’s and acting as one is allowed in times like these, as proper soccer hoolligans) and bidding my farewell to The Big Smoke in True London Style. It only took us 40 years, but well done Jozi, The Gautrain is awesome!

There are so many details I am leaving out which I will in due course extrapolate on, with my mind reeling I’m afraid, that’s all for now. Any questions/comments are always warmly and eagerly anticipated!

Hello City beneath the Mountain, Crazii is home and happy!

GEES LOUISE!

Goodness, to say real work is getting in the way of the rest of my life would be a ginormous understatement. I haven’t run the whole week, gorged on pizza or even had a chance to read my candy flossy escapism. Getting to work and leaving work in the dark is reminiscent of living in London, which while I was there could be justified because of the wonderful exchange rate, but in CT it seems just ludicrous! Also, on top of everything I find myself waking up in the middle of the night wondering where the hell I am. The amount of travel and living out of a suitcase I have done (and continue to do) has made me feel more like a forgetful gypsy than a corporate woman. My once prized elephant memory has now been solely consumed with anything and everything surrounding work. The Chef and I apparently had a lovely conversation the other night after he came home from a dinner for about 45 minutes, cannot remember a thing. And I can’t even blame it on drugs… drugs are enjoyable, work not so much!


So for the time being I have said goodbye to my social lucidity and reserved what I have left for lazy/stupid/irrational/British/South African suppliers who seem to think “Rush Job” means “go and have a long lunch, enjoy a surf and pretty much mess around until after the due date”! Departing together with my rational sense has been both my patience and composure… Not a great skeleton left to be honest. And to add insult to injury, my body has given up all resistance against the always expected seasonal flu and succumbed. Pathetic!

So I’m afraid Peeps, this little pity party can’t even bring herself to say TGIF, as I’m back to work tomorrow and The Big Smoke at the crack of dawn on Sunday. Farewell Friends, Sanity and Lungs… I hope we meet again on my return sometime in June!

THE BIG SMOKE

Right, so I’m off to The Big Smoke right now, for the glorious business of work. I even get the unimaginable opportunity to be seated, not only in the same flying tin can as The Boss, but actually next to him this time. Apparently working a 50hour week is not enough for said man and the 2 hours that I would ordinarily BE SLEEPING, now need to be used for additional work purposes. And, not only are we sitting together, we are sitting together in cattle class (he usually travels business and I travel with the chickens and goats), he has downgraded to sit with a mere worker!! Seriously, I was under the impression that life was all about upgrading, yes? Damn did I go wrong somewhere…? So anyway, here I sit typing away at what looks like a rather extensive email to the man whose eyesight is about as good as an eighty year old man, blindfolded, walking around in the dark without a walking stick. See where I’m going here… if I’m going to have to be awake at some ungodly hour, by george, am I going to do something I enjoy during that time (and considering running up and down the aisle of the plane seems to irritate fellow passengers if you’re on the wrong side of 5, I’ve settled for organising my Crazii thoughts on paper).

(oh also, just as a side note to Shiny, I notice I have coveted your Big Smoke term, which I actually sneakily stole from a mate of mine who I assume coveted it for you… so apologies, it’s a wonderful description of Jozi, can I keep it???).

I have also left my book at home, hence the muddled thoughts and possible irritation in my voice. I always have a book with me; flying just doesn’t seem right without one. It’s the same as if you get good food on the plane; it’s weird and usually indicates something very bad is going to happen. It’s like the universe is saying I’m going to make your last meal great so at least your colon and large intestine die happy. Ordinarily when I see my fellow passengers eating without the obligatory gulp to get the rubber eggs down, I push my food aside and start chewing the corners of my paperback, thereby fooling the universe into sparing me as my internal organs have not yet given the thumbs up for their future resting place. Now I’m stumped. I may have to resort to eating the BA magazine, but that just feels wrong. I’m trying to cheat the universe, not deprive fellow passengers for the entertainment value only highlife can give… Some help here please???

Trolley Dolly: Ma’am, are you done with that?
ME: That depends…
TD: Ummm, depends on what?
ME: How many magazines you have aboard the plane.
TD: Ummm, I suppose we have one for every passenger?
ME: No extra?
TD: We may have an old copy somewhere in the back?
ME: Perfect. In that case, yes I’m done. Can I please have a cup of tea, 2 sugars and March’s issue of Highlife?
TD: But you haven’t touched your food?
ME: I know, sneaky of me isn’t it!
TD: (Confused look) Right, can I ask why you would need March’s issue when April’s is in the seat pocket in front of you.
ME: Well if would be rude to eat the current issue, nobody reads tatty mags, especially one’s that have been used as a breakfast meal.

At this point, the surrounding 3 rows of seats on either side of me are all looking at me and the Trolley Dolly with surprise and humour.

TD: SORRY?!?! You are going to eat March’s issue of Highlife.
ME: Nibble really, safer than the bran and raison muffin, I can see it’s in cahoots with the universe. It’s basically winking at me it’s so sneaky!
Man in row 8a: Wow I gotta see this (nudges his neighbour). Dude that Ginger over there is going to eat a magazine…
ME: I’m not going to eat the whole thing, just enough to keep me sane until we land.
MIR8a: I don’t think sanity is really the issue here! I’ll give you R50 to see this?
ME: What?
Man in Row 11b: I’m in too, here’s my R50.
ME: Really, you guys will pay me to fool the universe into thinking I’m not yet ready to push up daisies?
MIR11b: Ya, ummm, whatever you said… so you gonna eat the mag or what?

Needless to say I made a R100 bucks and all I had to do was ignore the seductive calls of the cheese omelette and bran muffin.

Universe: 0 – Crazii: 1
Right, gotta go, something about landing and chilly weather. Wish me luck, The Big Smoke and I have a love hate relationship. I hate the place and it loves to see me leave!

50 AND LESS THAN EXCITING

Whoop Whoop, this is my 50th post! But unfortunately I have nothing note worthy to say other than I’m off to The Big Smoke for work, wish me luck; for as sure as death and taxes, I’m going to need it!

WHEN I AM HEARTBROKEN I DO...

When I am heartbroken there are a number of things I do:

Heartbroken situation 1:
My favourite jersey went into the wash looking like a piece out of Audrey Hepburn’s wardrobe and emerged looking like Lilly Allen had given it a go.

Solution 1:
Plastic. Swiping it, handing it over, basically offering it to the shop assistant in order to replace 1 with many… works every time (until your banker manager find outs!). This solution applies to all items of clothing including shoes that have had the misfortune of either a) your smoking friends, b) your reliable but slightly quirky housekeeper and/or c) your parents pets.

Heartbroken situation 2:
I find out that Butlers only opens at 4pm everyday and that it is impossible to have their pizza for breakfast on a Sunday morning unless you have ordered in advance the night before. I would most definitely have ordered it the night before as my fridge is stocked with liquid consumables only, but would not have had the foresight not to eat the entire thing.

Solution 2:
Cry, there is no other way to deal with this. DO NOT SUBSTITUTE.

Heartbroken situation 3:
Utter and complete heartache

Solution 3:
My usual trick with heart ache is to jump on the first plane to The Big Smoke, buy a box of ciggies and a few bottles of wine and get the wonderful Cousin to fetch me at the airport and transport to a land of fairies and all things good. This usually entails drinking and dancing from when I land on Fridy evening until he so carefully wheels me back into the airport around 7pm on Sunday evening to catch my flight back to reality… However, this time around I am actually going to take the advice of a very special person and do the opposite.

I am going to stay in Cape Town this weekend and spend time with the parentals, the friends that love and care about me and give my new gorgeous pink and silver running shoes a good introduction into their future running career. I’m going to stay in Cape Town because this is where the support is.

(Not to say it is not in The Big Smoke, but the base is bigger and can actually take a lot more of my nonsense at the moment. Thank you Cuzzie!)