NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

Okay Peeps, so it’s that time of the year again when we all, with the greatest intentions, make up our New Years resolutions. I have a strategy this year which I think will guarantee me a 50% success ratio (which in terms of NY’s resolutions I think is a rather high percentage). Strategy: make lots, therefore when someone asks you “How many have you kept?” and you say 12, that sounds really high. Obviously try and avoid the “How many did you make” conversation as this will give away your strategy.

So below is my list which you can all pretty much guess the 50% I’ll be keeping:

1) Stop smoking. Check. Had my last little cancer stick this morning. Good bye cruel little tobacco men, rest in peace in someone else’s lungs.

2) Start training for Oceans. Check. Ran 25kms this morning (and then had the most delicious cigarette ever). Damn you Marlboro Silver’s to hell!

3) Buy utensils for my kitchen so that I can actually use it to cook as opposed to using it as a bar.

4) Learn how to cook.

5) Learn how to say “No”. Otherwise, learn how not to sleep and generate an additional 6 arms.

6) Learn how not to sleep and generate an additional 6 arms!

7) Find a magic genie in order to raise £1500 for the London Marathon.

8) Tell all your friends you are running the London Marathon as they need to contribute to this worthy cause. (As a side note, I really am running this and really do need to raise £1500 for this Charity that I am running for (Phab Kids) so I will be creating a Just Giving Webpage where you guys can just chuck all extra cash lying around into that for such a worthy cause)

9) Find a sponsor for flight tickets to get to London Marathon.

10) Try keeping as many of the above as possible!

Happy New Year Peeps, may 2010 be a little less chaos filled and lot more fun and love filled!

CATCH UP TIME

Crisis Peeps, 2 weeks without any word vomit at all, you have to know its bad when… There’s just so much to fill you in on I barely know where to begin. The installation of death, the date that renewed my faith in romance and of course, the mystery golf eating truck saga.

I’ll start at the very beginning, a very good place to start… kidding. So it all started with the installation to end all installations. The coupe de gra of my career, the big cahoona, the one that was going to make it all worth while… and ended 9 solid days later after 14 hour slogs with the installation (due to last of 5) complete and me sitting resplendent in my site clothes at the airport chomping at the bit to get on the plane to George (literally praying this pilot knew how to fly) where I knew my bestest Thunder would be waiting cosmo and heels in hand, she did not disappoint! So now I sit, relaxed to the max, phone thrown into the sea and totally getting my chill on…

The past 10 days have been the most manic I have had in my little pin prick on this planet. It has literally been a case of “If it can go wrong, it will, and in spectacular fashion”. 1 house, 100 men, 1 woman with a seriously determined look on her face and the likes of challenges not even the big man upstairs could conceive when he created Adam (because let’s me honest, you have to make a rough draft before the final product :). It was awesome, terrifying and exhilarating at the same time, but I wouldn’t want to do it again in a while. It knocked me sideways and it took all the strength and determination I had to pull through, not to mention a little help from a few special people!

That’s where the date that renewed my faith in romance came in. Totally topped up my depleted reserves of faith, personal ability and confidence. Not to mention had this Crazii Redhead totally and utterly speechless. Yes, I kid you not, dressed in a little black dress and heels, this little know-it-all was completely stunned. 12 long stem red roses, private wine cellar, candles, scattered rose petals… I know, right! Men take notes! It was incredible, the Chef really pulled out all the stops and I’m still unable to find the words…

So that only leaves my poor little blue baby girl and her surgery. Yes Peeps, we took her in before I departed for the heaven that is Plett and she is currently undergoing what can only be termed as a very traumatic but necessarily bit of plastic surgery. Cordie, we’re all rooting for you my little one and I’ll see you in a few days, shining as new!

Ciao Peeps, Merry Christmas to you all! If I find some time in between the sleeping and beaching, I promise to update on the colour of the sand, sea water temperature and number of mince pies consumed in one sitting!

Hugs and kisses all, to a brand new year of fun, excitement and completed hearts.

CHAMPAGNE THURSDAY

So as it would happen I managed to have the wine, but the anger has not decreased and the preference for delightfully inappropriate words has not subsided! The enduring and apparently impossible quest to find the mystery golf eating truck continues, as does the constant communication from the mean little car beater about when poor Cordelia is going in for surgery!

On a lighter note however, it is Champagne Thursday and to celebrate in true style, Thunder and I will be attending the Jimmy Choo Launch Party tonight! Yes ladies and gents, an evening surrounded by stilletto’s, smoked salmon and Moet… I’d be wetting myself too! So the only real challenge for the day is… “What to wear?”

BAD DAY

Oh my goodness gracious… I have honestly had one of the worst days ever, in the history of bad days, this is it. This cannot be topped. Not even the news of Daniel Craig finally coming to his senses and proposing to me could make me feel better. I’m not kidding. On a scale of 1-10, I’d put today at about 237! Why, you ask? I’ll tell you why… 2 things:

1) Emergency Site Meeting
When you hear those three words in sequence like that you panic ala “Honey I think my water just broke" panic while you’re sitting in a 6 part opera, listening to part 2 in a theatre of over 1000 people! Nobody wants to hear the word ‘emergency’ 2 days before they’re due to pull off the biggest installation of their young career. I mean seriously… 2 days people, 2 days! I do not have the constitution for this kind of stupid behavior! 6 weeks ago maybe… but not today!

Builder: Can we move the installa…
Me: Pfft, do not finish that sentence because the answer is No.
Builder: But you see we’re a lit…
Me: You being behind, not my problem, answer still No.
Builder: But then we might have to work on weekends and the…
Me: Am I speaking a different language?
Builder: No.
Me: So you do understand English?
Builder: Yes.
Me: So why does there appear to be such confusion here?
Builder: It’s just that…
Me: N.O. smallest, simplest, easiest to understand word in the English dictionary, NO. Learn it, remember it, because I will be saying it until you ask me in 8 days time, are you finished? At which stage I will reply “Yes”. These are the only 2 words we need to speak to each other over the next few days.
Me: You like me?
Builder: No.
Me: Well the feeling is mutual so at least we agree on something!

And so I walk away with my meanest, most commanding pace and do not look back! And then I get to my car… Well, half my car and the little bit that the mystery truck managed NOT TO DRAG AWAY WITH IT! Poor Cordelia is half the baby she used to be and bruised and battered to boot. Any witnesses, Of course not! So begins the saga of the mysterious golf eating truck and malevolent little panel beater man.

I shall report back with findings when I’m less angry, less prone to profanity and have had some wine!

PERSONAL BESTS

I had a weekend of personal bests this last weekend. Had my personal best party with Thunder in a long long time. Had my personal best hangover because of Thunder in a seriously long time, and ran my personal best half marathon!

Let’s start with the half marathon, easier to remember and doesn’t have the word jaegermeister in the story, anywhere! It does however involve waking up at 4:30am to don running kit, sun cream and my new little babies that are my Redbull, because they give me wings! Yes, I’m talking about my pink and silver speed racers fondly known to the average human as running shoes! I love those babies. Anyway, up at the crack of sparrows to drive to Somerset West to run. Yes, crazy, I know. Thrilling and fun for the average runner (I’m officially allowed to be called a full blown runner now because I’ve done a marathon, it’s all very exciting), but seriously loopy to the average person! Lourensford Wine Estate here I come. With brand new white running shoes. To run in amongst the Winelands. On gravel and sand. Over water and mud… Can you see where I’m going with this??? My poor little speed racers were so upset their bright lustre was being destroyed with every pounding step that they flew to the finish in order to get home and cleaned! So there you have it, personal best on a trail run because my takkies are vain!

Onto the party… Wow, now there’s a story that involves lots of jaegermeister, zero flat shoes at all and a hellavu lot of bum shaking! It all started with the beach. I know, again… I think I might be addicted. But that’s another story. So I’m on the beach with the GBF and Thunder and we’re musing about the evening’s plans. Beach gets boring and we decide to move the musing to my house where there are lots of bubbles, which always assists in the creative process! 3 bottles of bubbles later and Thunder and I know exactly what we want to do… dance! 1 x call to Rikki’s, 1 x trip to Caprice and 1 x seriously amazing night! Now for all of you who know me, I’m not a Caprice fan. And that’s putting in mildly. But considering which shoes I was wearing and that I was a least a head taller than all the gorgeous blonds in the place, I put my insecurites behind me and toasted them away with many much loved jaegerbombs! Cheers Thunder! One small walk down the strip to St Yves (Old Ignite) and we were bum shaking until we weren’t allowed to bum shake anymore!

Sunday morning and OMG… somebody get us a cream soda, stat!