BAD DAY

Oh my goodness gracious… I have honestly had one of the worst days ever, in the history of bad days, this is it. This cannot be topped. Not even the news of Daniel Craig finally coming to his senses and proposing to me could make me feel better. I’m not kidding. On a scale of 1-10, I’d put today at about 237! Why, you ask? I’ll tell you why… 2 things:

1) Emergency Site Meeting
When you hear those three words in sequence like that you panic ala “Honey I think my water just broke" panic while you’re sitting in a 6 part opera, listening to part 2 in a theatre of over 1000 people! Nobody wants to hear the word ‘emergency’ 2 days before they’re due to pull off the biggest installation of their young career. I mean seriously… 2 days people, 2 days! I do not have the constitution for this kind of stupid behavior! 6 weeks ago maybe… but not today!

Builder: Can we move the installa…
Me: Pfft, do not finish that sentence because the answer is No.
Builder: But you see we’re a lit…
Me: You being behind, not my problem, answer still No.
Builder: But then we might have to work on weekends and the…
Me: Am I speaking a different language?
Builder: No.
Me: So you do understand English?
Builder: Yes.
Me: So why does there appear to be such confusion here?
Builder: It’s just that…
Me: N.O. smallest, simplest, easiest to understand word in the English dictionary, NO. Learn it, remember it, because I will be saying it until you ask me in 8 days time, are you finished? At which stage I will reply “Yes”. These are the only 2 words we need to speak to each other over the next few days.
Me: You like me?
Builder: No.
Me: Well the feeling is mutual so at least we agree on something!

And so I walk away with my meanest, most commanding pace and do not look back! And then I get to my car… Well, half my car and the little bit that the mystery truck managed NOT TO DRAG AWAY WITH IT! Poor Cordelia is half the baby she used to be and bruised and battered to boot. Any witnesses, Of course not! So begins the saga of the mysterious golf eating truck and malevolent little panel beater man.

I shall report back with findings when I’m less angry, less prone to profanity and have had some wine!