THANK YOU!!!

I’m off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Auz… except that I’m not seeing a Wizard or going to Auz, but I am off! Yip, I have been given the green light to fly to London tomorrow night for the epic adventure that is the London Marathon, hours of drinking champagne and chatting to girlfriends and a number of hundred pounds spent on buying clothes. Whooppeee!!!

I shall be leaving behind a plethora of work which will be studiously ignored in favour of the above, a seemingly excited Chef (excited to see me leave, or excited for me I have yet to figure out!) and a gaggle of ladies who I promise to spoil on my return! What I will be going to is another gaggle of ladies, congested tubes, £4 coffee and indecisive weather… THE EXCITEMENT IS MAMMOTH!!!

I want to say a massive THANK YOU to everyone who sponsored my charity. Thank you to The Globe Trotter, The Grandmother, The Parentals, The Parentals Friends, SuperMom, The Adventure Queen, The GBF, The Old Boss, 2IC, The Cousin, The Rider (soon becoming a runner), One Half of The Boys, Pop Tart, Thunder Struck, The Chef, The Barman, Running Mom, Pint Size, Glass And A Half, My JHB Partner in Crime, Sonic Hater, The Consistent One, Mr Lumps and Bazza! You guys are amazing, all the support and encouragement has been incredible!

Farewell All, Running Family no injuries please!

Mwah xxx

THE BIG SMOKE

Right, so I’m off to The Big Smoke right now, for the glorious business of work. I even get the unimaginable opportunity to be seated, not only in the same flying tin can as The Boss, but actually next to him this time. Apparently working a 50hour week is not enough for said man and the 2 hours that I would ordinarily BE SLEEPING, now need to be used for additional work purposes. And, not only are we sitting together, we are sitting together in cattle class (he usually travels business and I travel with the chickens and goats), he has downgraded to sit with a mere worker!! Seriously, I was under the impression that life was all about upgrading, yes? Damn did I go wrong somewhere…? So anyway, here I sit typing away at what looks like a rather extensive email to the man whose eyesight is about as good as an eighty year old man, blindfolded, walking around in the dark without a walking stick. See where I’m going here… if I’m going to have to be awake at some ungodly hour, by george, am I going to do something I enjoy during that time (and considering running up and down the aisle of the plane seems to irritate fellow passengers if you’re on the wrong side of 5, I’ve settled for organising my Crazii thoughts on paper).

(oh also, just as a side note to Shiny, I notice I have coveted your Big Smoke term, which I actually sneakily stole from a mate of mine who I assume coveted it for you… so apologies, it’s a wonderful description of Jozi, can I keep it???).

I have also left my book at home, hence the muddled thoughts and possible irritation in my voice. I always have a book with me; flying just doesn’t seem right without one. It’s the same as if you get good food on the plane; it’s weird and usually indicates something very bad is going to happen. It’s like the universe is saying I’m going to make your last meal great so at least your colon and large intestine die happy. Ordinarily when I see my fellow passengers eating without the obligatory gulp to get the rubber eggs down, I push my food aside and start chewing the corners of my paperback, thereby fooling the universe into sparing me as my internal organs have not yet given the thumbs up for their future resting place. Now I’m stumped. I may have to resort to eating the BA magazine, but that just feels wrong. I’m trying to cheat the universe, not deprive fellow passengers for the entertainment value only highlife can give… Some help here please???

Trolley Dolly: Ma’am, are you done with that?
ME: That depends…
TD: Ummm, depends on what?
ME: How many magazines you have aboard the plane.
TD: Ummm, I suppose we have one for every passenger?
ME: No extra?
TD: We may have an old copy somewhere in the back?
ME: Perfect. In that case, yes I’m done. Can I please have a cup of tea, 2 sugars and March’s issue of Highlife?
TD: But you haven’t touched your food?
ME: I know, sneaky of me isn’t it!
TD: (Confused look) Right, can I ask why you would need March’s issue when April’s is in the seat pocket in front of you.
ME: Well if would be rude to eat the current issue, nobody reads tatty mags, especially one’s that have been used as a breakfast meal.

At this point, the surrounding 3 rows of seats on either side of me are all looking at me and the Trolley Dolly with surprise and humour.

TD: SORRY?!?! You are going to eat March’s issue of Highlife.
ME: Nibble really, safer than the bran and raison muffin, I can see it’s in cahoots with the universe. It’s basically winking at me it’s so sneaky!
Man in row 8a: Wow I gotta see this (nudges his neighbour). Dude that Ginger over there is going to eat a magazine…
ME: I’m not going to eat the whole thing, just enough to keep me sane until we land.
MIR8a: I don’t think sanity is really the issue here! I’ll give you R50 to see this?
ME: What?
Man in Row 11b: I’m in too, here’s my R50.
ME: Really, you guys will pay me to fool the universe into thinking I’m not yet ready to push up daisies?
MIR11b: Ya, ummm, whatever you said… so you gonna eat the mag or what?

Needless to say I made a R100 bucks and all I had to do was ignore the seductive calls of the cheese omelette and bran muffin.

Universe: 0 – Crazii: 1
Right, gotta go, something about landing and chilly weather. Wish me luck, The Big Smoke and I have a love hate relationship. I hate the place and it loves to see me leave!

LONDON REMINDER

Less than 10 days to go before I depart for London and I still need to raise £750 for my Charity!!!

Please can you all beg borrow and steal from where you can and donate!!! All donations go directly to Phab Kids.

The link is below:

http://www.justgiving.com/laurenurquhart

Thank you all!

RE-ACQUAINTANCES

Due to their apparent feelings of abandonment, Mr and Mr (I just put on about 100kgs) Sumo Wrestle have taken up their now almost forgotten residence once again. Happily ensconced on my eyelids for the duration of the day while Ghandi’s flip flop firmly resides itself in my mouth along with possibly a bergie’s lost blanket, I am unhappy to report I am severely hungover. Since the now almost forgotten memory of the painful child birthing process known as Oceans, I have embraced my new found “take a break week” with much enthusiasm. Fellow enthusiast’s include Mr Jangerbomb, Miss Pink Champagne and my personal favourite (please note the dripping with sarcasm tone here), Mrs I-promise-to-give-you-lung-cancer-before-the-age-of-30 Cancer Stick. Together, the 4 of us have re-acquainted ourselves with the life that once was before running. Bleg! It would appear we can only be in each other’s company for a few very select hours, while the sun is sleeping, 80’s music is playing and others are throwing name on the dance floor around us. Thank Heavens… anymore time spent together and we’d be pushing up a veritable daisy farm!

Needless to say, I’m going to drag my sorry ass into bed the moment the big hands hits 12 and the little one hits 5 (assuming I can still drive) and fill my head with the astounding knowledge that is the Legendary Barney Stinson. Bring on my “How I met Your Mother” marathon evening ahead!

Happy Friday all!

GIRLIE WISDOM

Some pearls of Wisdom today from SuperMom:

1. A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills...she has 14 kids but she doesn't really care..

2. One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.

3. My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

4. The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

5. The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does.

6. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

7. Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

8. Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.

9. I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my panties.

10. Amazing! You hang something in your closet, for a while, and it shrinks 2 sizes!

11. Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like...'You know sometimes I forget to eat!' .... Now, I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!

12. The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and then they marry him.

13. I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!

LETTERS

Right, so I’ve officially had a few days to recover/think about what exactly happened on Saturday 3rd April 2010 and a few letters have sprung to mind:

Dear Dancing Gorilla,

While your dancing skills and hip thrusting movements are certainly something for the record books, I feel their skills should be used in a more appropriate environment. While putting a smile on my face up Chappies was much appreciated, the resulting drop, tuck and roll (or un-ladylike lack thereof) was not exactly what I was counting on! Your enthusiasm on making sure my executive shuffle kept in pace with the background tunes could indeed have been matched by your unhelpful nature of peeling my now embarrassed and bloody body of the tar. My resulting race was therefore somewhat hindered by the complete annihilation of my right knee cap and I’m pretty sure all the runners behind me (thankfully there were still some at this stage) were not so enamored at the little trickles of blood finding there way off my elbow and into the resulting breeze.

I have included some photographs for your information. While I’m sure viewing the fall was a very humorous event, the resulting bodily injuries are making no-one laugh and thus I request that you maybe take your fabulous skills to the finish line/zoo where a smile at this point is a very very welcome surprise indeed.

Yours in agony,
Crazii

Next Letter:

Dear Body,

You are amazing! Not only have I abused you during the last few months, but come race day you had to contend with my crazii brain announcing that should you, in any way decided you cannot finish the race, tough shit. So I must thank you dear kneecaps, ankles, elbows and hips for taking full advantage of the 3 myprodols readily consumed after the above mentioned fall and floating me the remaining 26kms to what can only be called a first and last finish experience for me.

First for obvious reasons, and last only because of the style in which I finished. I will most certainly be doing the race again, I just shall not be finishing in the manner in which I did on Sat. SuperMom put it the best “You finished in true style Ballerina (she calls me Ballerina), with a pirouette and a puke". Yip, it’s true. But I finished and in under 6 hours and it’s all because of you. So thank you dear Body, you are amazing.

Yours in admiration,
Crazii

Second last letter:

Dear Brain,

You are stubborn, this we know. However I do believe you had a moment of epiphany on Saturday with regards to your Comrades aspirations. The continuous reminder that one should not complete a Comrades Marathon before the age of 30 was somewhat of a mysterious concept to you, until I believe you met Constantia Nek. It was at this point you suddenly fully appreciate the concept of memory. Running memory on your legs. Years of training your body to do what it needs to do to get you the distance.

While I accolade your fierce determination to conquer 5 to 56kms in the period of a year, there is nothing that can beat experience and time on the legs and for that you will need to take a breathe, congratulate yourself, and give yourself a break.

Yours in patience,
Crazii

And last, but certainly not least:

Dear Running Family,

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! I could not have done any of it without you guys! SuperMom, Speed Machine, 2IC, Adventure Queen, Running Mom and everybody else, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

Yours in gratefulness,
Crazii

0 DAYS TO GO!

OMG! I just ran 56kms! And tripped over a cat’s eye while watching a dancing gorilla, and finished in under 6 hours, YAYAYAYAYAYAY! It was amazing. All the training, sore knees, absurd amount of carbs was totally worth it! I, Crazii Redhead, managed to complete the Two Oceans Ultra Marathon, battered and bruised, weak and with my most unhappy face on, but I did it. And by George I would to do it again in a second!

Thanks to SuperMom and all my running family, I made it through. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you guys, or The Chef, The Barman, Thunder and Pint Size. My amazing support crew kept me going for the glorious/agonising/heart breaking 56kms… I wouldn’t have wanted it to be any other way!

Thank you all, next stop, London Marathon!