Friday, May 25, 2012

I AM AN AFRICAN.



I owe my being to the hills and the valleys, the mountains and the glades, the rivers, the deserts, the trees, the flowers, the seas and the ever-changing seasons that define the face of our native land.

My body has frozen in our frosts and in our latter day snows. It has thawed in the warmth of our sunshine and melted in the heat of the midday sun. The crack and the rumble of the summer thunders, lashed by startling lightening, have been a cause both of trembling and of hope.

The fragrances of nature have been as pleasant to us as the sight of the wild blooms of the citizens of the veld.

The dramatic shapes of the Drakensberg, the soil-coloured waters of the Lekoa, iGqili noThukela, and the sands of the Kgalagadi, have all been panels of the set on the natural stage on which we act out the foolish deeds of the theatre of our day.

At times, and in fear, I have wondered whether I should concede equal citizenship of our country to the leopard and the lion, the elephant and the springbok, the hyena, the black mamba and the pestilential mosquito.

A human presence among all these, a feature on the face of our native land thus defined, I know that none dare challenge me when I say - I am an African!

I owe my being to the Khoi and the San whose desolate souls haunt the great expanses of the beautiful Cape - they who fell victim to the most merciless genocide our native land has ever seen, they who were the first to lose their lives in the struggle to defend our freedom and dependence and they who, as a people, perished in the result.

I am formed of the migrants who left Europe to find a new home on our native land. Whatever their own actions, they remain still, part of me.

In my veins courses the blood of the Malay slaves who came from the East. Their proud dignity informs my bearing, their culture a part of my essence. The stripes they bore on their bodies from the lash of the slave master are a reminder embossed on my consciousness of what should not be done.

I am the grandchild of the warrior men and women that Hintsa and Sekhukhune led, the patriots that Cetshwayo and Mphephu took to battle, the soldiers Moshoeshoe and Ngungunyane taught never to dishonour the cause of freedom.

My mind and my knowledge of myself is formed by the victories that are the jewels in our African crown, the victories we earned from Isandhlwana to Khartoum, as Ethiopians and as the Ashanti of Ghana, as the Berbers of the desert.

I am the grandchild who lays fresh flowers on the Boer graves at St Helena and the Bahamas, who sees in the mind's eye and suffers the suffering of a simple peasant folk, death, concentration camps, destroyed homesteads, a dream in ruins.

I am the child of Nongqause. I am he who made it possible to trade in the world markets in diamonds, in gold, in the same food for which my stomach yearns.

I come of those who were transported from India and China, whose being resided in the fact, solely, that they were able to provide physical labour, who taught me that we could both be at home and be foreign, who taught me that human existence itself demanded that freedom was a necessary condition for that human existence.

Being part of all these people, and in the knowledge that none dare contest that assertion, I shall claim that - I am an African.

I have seen our country torn asunder as these, all of whom are my people, engaged one another in a titanic battle, the one redress a wrong that had been caused by one to another and the other, to defend the indefensible.

I have seen what happens when one person has superiority of force over another, when the stronger appropriate to themselves the prerogative even to annul the injunction that God created all men and women in His image.

I know what if signifies when race and colour are used to determine who is human and who, sub-human. I have seen the destruction of all sense of self-esteem, the consequent striving to be what one is not, simply to acquire some of the benefits which those who had improved themselves as masters had ensured that they enjoy. I have experience of the situation in which race and colour is used to enrich some and impoverish the rest.

I have seen the corruption of minds and souls in the pursuit of an ignoble effort to perpetrate a veritable crime against humanity.

I have seen concrete expression of the denial of the dignity of a human being emanating from the conscious, systemic and systematic oppressive and repressive activities of other human beings.
There the victims parade with no mask to hide the brutish reality - the beggars, the prostitutes, the street children, those who seek solace in substance abuse, those who have to steal to assuage hunger, those who have to lose their sanity because to be sane is to invite pain.

Perhaps the worst among these, who are my people, are those who have learnt to kill for a wage. To these the extent of death is directly proportional to their personal welfare. And so, like pawns in the service of demented souls, they kill in furtherance of the political violence in KwaZulu-Natal. They murder the innocent in the taxi wars. They kill slowly or quickly in order to make profits from the illegal trade in narcotics. They are available for hire when husband wants to murder wife and wife, husband.   

Among us prowl the products of our immoral and amoral past - killers who have no sense of the worth of human life, rapists who have absolute disdain for the women of our country, animals who would seek to benefit from the vulnerability of the children, the disabled and the old, the rapacious who brook no obstacle in their quest for self-enrichment.

All this I know and know to be true because I am an African!

Because of that, I am also able to state this fundamental truth that I am born of a people who are heroes and heroines.

I am born of a people who would not tolerate oppression.

I am of a nation that would not allow that fear of death, torture, imprisonment, exile or persecution should result in the perpetuation of injustice.

The great masses who are our mother and father will not permit that the behaviour of the few results in the description of our country and people as barbaric.

Patient because history is on their side, these masses do not despair because today the weather is bad. Nor do they turn triumphalist when, tomorrow, the sun shines.

Whatever the circumstances they have lived through and because of that experience, they are determined to define for themselves who they are and who they should be.

We are assembled here today to mark their victory in acquiring and exercising their right to formulate their own definition of what it means to be African.

The constitution whose adoption we celebrate constitutes and unequivocal statement that we refuse to accept that our Africanness shall be defined by our race, colour, gender of historical origins.

It is a firm assertion made by ourselves that South Africa belongs to all who live in it, black and white. It gives concrete expression to the sentiment we share as Africans, and will defend to the death, that the people shall govern.
It recognises the fact that the dignity of the individual is both an objective which society must pursue, and is a goal which cannot be separated from the material well-being of that individual.
It seeks to create the situation in which all our people shall be free from fear, including the fear of the oppression of one national group by another, the fear of the disempowerment of one social echelon by another, the fear of the use of state power to deny anybody their fundamental human rights and the fear of tyranny.
It aims to open the doors so that those who were disadvantaged can assume their place in society as equals with their fellow human beings without regard to colour, race, gender, age or geographic dispersal.

It provides the opportunity to enable each one and all to state their views, promote them, strive for their implementation in the process of governance without fear that a contrary view will be met with repression. 

It creates a law-governed society which shall be inimical to arbitrary rule.

It enables the resolution of conflicts by peaceful means rather than resort to force.

It rejoices in the diversity of our people and creates the space for all of us voluntarily to define ourselves as one people.

As an African, this is an achievement of which I am proud, proud without reservation and proud without any feeling of conceit. Our sense of elevation at this moment also derives from the fact that this magnificent product is the unique creation of African hands and African minds.

Bit it is also constitutes a tribute to our loss of vanity that we could, despite the temptation to treat ourselves as an exceptional fragment of humanity, draw on the accumulated experience and wisdom of all humankind, to define for ourselves what we want to be.

Together with the best in the world, we too are prone to pettiness, petulance, selfishness and short-sightedness.  But it seems to have happened that we looked at ourselves and said the time had come that we make a super-human effort to be other than human, to respond to the call to create for ourselves a glorious future, to remind ourselves of the Latin saying: Gloria est consequenda - Glory must be sought after!

I am an African.

I am born of the peoples of the continent of Africa. The pain of the violent conflict that the peoples of Liberia, Somalia, the Sudan, Burundi and Algeria is a pain I also bear.

The dismal shame of poverty, suffering and human degradation of my continent is a blight that we share.

The blight on our happiness that derives from this and from our drift to the periphery of the ordering of human affairs leaves us in a persistent shadow of despair.

This is a savage road to which nobody should be condemned.

This thing that we have done today, in this small corner of a great continent that has contributed so decisively to the evolution of humanity says that Africa reaffirms that she is continuing her rise from the ashes.

Whatever the setbacks of the moment, nothing can stop us now!

Whatever the difficulties, Africa shall be at peace!

However improbable it may sound to the sceptics, Africa will prosper!

Whoever we may be, whatever our immediate interest, however much we carry baggage from our past, however much we have been caught by the fashion of cynicism and loss of faith in the capacity of the people, let us err today and say - nothing can stop us now!

Today it feels good to be an African.

~ Thabo Mbeki ~

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

BRAIN AND BODY, WORKING TOGETHER


Saturday was my best run yet. Seriously, I know my running career has only just eased its’ way into its’ 3rd year and by any stretch of the imagination I am a total newbie to the trials and tribulations of Ultra Running, but I don’t care. Saturday rocked! In blistering 90 degree heat (Fahrenheit) accompanied with no shade, very little water and an extensive amount of sweating, I ran 50kms and literally loved every single minute! I don’t think I’ve had a race to date where I can actually say that. 

Now when I say I, I mean my brain and body. For a change, the 2 were working in sync with one another. In hind sight I should have bought a lottery ticket as that’s a very very rare occurrence indeed! Instead of the usual:

Brain: You know you can stop and just walk, right legs?
Legs: Shut up Brain, I’m not listening to you!
Brain: Come on, just walk, you’ll feel so much better.
Legs: Ja, maybe you’re right, we’ll just walk until that next lamp post.
Brain: Or all the way home, that works too.

They sounded more like:

Brain: Hey Legs, this is kinda cool!
Legs: I know right, check out the view, it’s awesome.
Brain: You wanna speed up a little?
Legs: Sure why not!
Brain: You know it’s not as hot as I thought it would be…
Legs: I agree, check it out, we’re still going!
Brain: I see that, wanna give Road Runnner a lesson in speed the last 4 miles.
Legs: You’re on, let’s go!

This NEVER happens. Above the neck fights tooth and nail to be right whilst below the neck tries (often unsuccessfully) not to listen to the negativity and easy way out mentality of the brain. The fact that they became friends during a 5 hour run was both a miracle and a revelation. I’d like to think it was because I was exceptionally trained, well fed and hydrated and completely confident in my abilities. Bahahahahahaha! Now we all know that would be the world’s biggest fib! I don’t think I’ve ever been exceptionally trained in my whole life, for anything (except consuming bubbles, at that, I am a Master).  No, it was the revelation that I love running, no matter what the weather, the distance or the obstacles, it is the sport I enjoy the most. Don’t get me wrong, I have my bad days where I feel like all my mojo has deserted me; but when it returns, running ROCKS!

Thank you to the Marine for making me do it. To my favourite book in the world for reminding me that you can be as light as a feather in all situations. And to my Prince Charming for being at the finish line to watch his Crazii Redhead come in 2nd female overall! PC, you ROCK!


Friday, March 23, 2012

BORN TO RUN... MAYBE


I have just finished reading Born To Run, again, for the 3rd time. And I think it might be the last time. Not because I don’t absolutely love that book, but purely on the basis that I think friends and family alike are actually going to confiscate it from me and bar me from shopping anywhere close to a Barnes and Noble, Exclusive Books and even firewall Amazon. Why, you ask… well…


When I first read that book I was young(er) and highly influential (sort of). I was also bored and the thought of running seemed like a good idea. Introduce Born To Run. So inspirational was that little gem of a book that I went from running 3 kms to 56 kms in 5 months… hmmm (and then got injured and couldn’t run for a while and was very very sad). Obviously the running bug had bitten and I attribute a lot of it to the book and a lot of it to my running family who made the sport more of a social outing than a exercise regime.

During my injury time I picked it up again just to perk me up and see if I’d missed anything in the initial reading. I had! Quite a lot actually. So in true Crazii style I donned my running shoes 3 weeks before I really should have, pretended to be as light as a feather and went running again. Boom! I was back, and popping around the world to visit friends and family and run international marathon(s). Okay just London, but still, they drive was there. Anyway, the point is, who needs physiotherapy and rehab when you have a little A5 book of magic and my grey matter swirling around an otherwise rather empty cavity J

So brings me to today… or rather a few weeks ago when I finished reading my favourite book (again, cue 3rd time) and promptly signed up to run an Ultra Marathon. Which is tomorrow. Gad! Eeeek! Gasp! You see the pattern evolving here… book=excitement about running=entering crazy races without training=nervous Crazii=confiscated book. And just to qualify this statement to be as close to the truth as it could possibly be, “without training” is not a euphemism for couch potatoness, I do actually go out and run, just not enough… not nearly enough for 50kms of tarmac in 40 degree heat… not even close… not even at all. And that is why the book shall be removed from my possession, not because it in itself is bad, but on the basis that I just use the time I read the book as a replacement for long distance training. You see in my head running is a mental sport. Therefore so is my training… who knows, if I make it through tomorrow I’m either a)right about mental training or b)was carried over the finish line by the south amercan tribe of super Runners… either way I’ll be ahppy J

Happy Friday Peeps, I’ll be holding myself up on Saturday evening with the help of a few bottle of bubbles and the every loving Prince Charming.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

GOOD IDEAS... I DON'T HAVE ANY.




It seemed like a good idea at the time. To be fair though, they always do… especially in my case if you preface something with alcohol, I’m yours. I enjoy running, I especially like running races. So when The Marine decided to tell me about a race on our door step that would end in The Pretty, Friendly, Lovely version of Miami where there was beer and music, I was obviously ecstatic. “Count me in”, “I’m there like a bear” and so forth were the usual nonsensical however excited phrases exiting my mouth. Then I actually looked at the race and then I lost all blood flow to my brain and then I passed out and hit my head hard on the concrete. I awake from my apparent moment of madness with hope that, it was in fact, a dream. Alas, it was a true moment of insanity (however common they may be) and I was in fact running an Ultra Marathon in under a month!

So I told Prince Charming:

Me: Guess what?
Prince Charming: What?
Me: I’m running an ultra marathon in 4 weeks!
PC: Ummm… when was the last time you ran an Ultra Crazii?
Me: Ummm… 2 years ago maybe?
PC: And when was the last time you actually trained for an Ultra Marathon?
Me: Ummm… 2 years ago maybe?
PC: I see… and how do you propose to complete this 50km run?
Me: Well there’s beer at the end.
PC: Oh well in that; case give it horns!

You have to accolade the man, he does know me very well!

In the forthcoming weeks I have planned a very rigorous exercise regime involving drinking beer, I mean carbo loading, and going to bootcamp… the bootcamp part is proving to be slightly tricky. For my sins I signed up at the local Hell on Earth, I mean gym, and within five minutes it became clear I was ‘that’ person in the class. Having forgotten I was supposed to start on Friday, I rocked up yesterday.

Me: It’s me, I’m here!
Drill Sergeant: You were supposed to be here on Friday.
Me: I was playing hide and seek with my enthusiasm… It won, I couldn’t find it anywhere.
DS: Where’s your mat?
Me: Matt who?
DS: Your mat to lie on.
Me: We lie around in bootcamp, I can totally do this!
DS: *Sigh* how about weights?
Me: I think you mean weight, singular, and isn’t that a bit personal. Regardless, I’m giving you a heads up here, I will lie.
DS: No Crazii, hand weights, that you lift up and down to build muscle.
Me: Oh right… well I think I have a bottle of wine in my bag. Probably more than I can handle but I’m willing to give it a go.

Wish me luck Peeps, for you all know that I need it!




Thursday, February 2, 2012

MARKETING FOR THOUGHT


A bit of running trivia/absolute drivel for all keen runners out there; and a bit of a cop out for me because I have, as yet,  not recovered from this weeks worth of running/gym and therefore all blood flow has been reserved for the sole purpose or resuscitating my hamstrings and convincing my calf muscles that fighting with the neighboring Achilles tendon is not a good idea. Enjoy!

P.S. While I think it’s a pretty amusing little piece if marketing/nonsense, could someone explain why its called Sports Bras vs. Speedos… do men really run in speedo’s???

Brought to you by Running Music
 

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

SIMPLICITY


Right, so… In an effort to adhere to one of my New Years Resolutions (a topic for another time), I have tried to simplify my life therefore my blog. I’m going in a new design direction and colour scheme to see how it fits. Comments are always welcome and if there is an over-whelming desire to change, I shall do so.

I promise to be back in action soon with witty banter and stories of general hilarity (often involving me being a total idiot), some sweat and spandex and of course wine and it’s accompanying sumo wrestler eyelids and jack hammer brain! 

Saturday, January 21, 2012

TIME... WHERE DID YOU GO???



Can’t talk now, last deadline of the year. And since I left it till the last minute, I have until midnight to draw something utterly inspiring, truly original and elegantly subtle that appeals to ‘everyone’. I’m not sure if this includes aliens, poor and/or senile people or anyone/thing outside the realm of extremely wealthy, but I will give it a go. So far I’ve draw the front door and written down twenty words which were in fact a shopping list; I’ve also cleaned my desk, done some seriously innovative filing (read numerous small piles of paperwork as opposed to one) and listened to everything that Pandora has to offer. I then spent an hour on YouTube watching running/motivational films of ultra marathoners during their 75 mile delusional state... Not because they would help me with my house but because they’re wipe my eyes and spray tea through my nose funny and somehow make my current position look easily surmountable. I’m now waiting for ‘beer o’clock’ which usually rolls around late afternoon in the office and involves drinking alcohol and being distracted for 30 mins. I’ll have wine I think, beer makes me gassy… I’ll draw after wine. Perhaps not straight lines, more organic, but if this house is supposed to appeal to everyone, I say why by square...

OMG it’s January 20th… I’m screwed!

Happy new year everyone! I’ll be better this year I promise!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

DRINKIES


Apparently running at a constant speed 3 days a week will not in fact make you run faster or tone your entire body. For a full body work out you have to do what is known in the fitness world as The Devils Game “Cross Training”. I believe everybody is aware of my stance on this subject and I will therefore no go into any greater detail than is necessary to explain my most recent “CS” experience.

For a number of months now I have been going to a morning bootcamp class which consists of stabbing yourself hundreds of times and then pouring hot lava over your entire body. Okay not exactly, but short of actually doing those things, you do feel like you’ve been to hell and back once you’re done. Energized and sore… apparently something people like feeling. Personally I go because I get to skinner for an hour before work and get the scoop on the newest bars around town.

It has become apparent in the last few months that the Drill Sergeant (whom I love, don’t get me wrong) that teaches the class wishes to light a fire under my proverbial ass and make me run faster. This would not be such a bad thing if she literally gave me a rocket and strapped it to me. The problem lies in the fact that she wants me to train. Like really train. Urgh.

And because I can no longer ignore her annoying encouraging words when it’s comes to speed (and my apparent lack thereof), I therefore decided it was time to get back into speed training, properly this time. The Drill Sergeant got overexcited and booked my calendar for three time trials this week.

I managed to get out of Monday by drinking (shocker) but yesterday there was no avoiding it and I arrived at The Evil Place with the promise of drinkies after the run.
Me: How long is this little run of death?
DS: 3km’s Crazii, I think you’ll cope.
Me: That’s what you said about last Saturdays race.
DS: It wasn’t my fault that Granny beat you.
Me: She was not a Granny, she was about 30. Again, proof of what constant running in the sun does to your skin.
DS: Right, so you’ll start at the top of the hill…’
Me: Hill… who found a hill in Florida! Is that where the new bar is?!?!?
DS: Please stop asking me that Crazii. And then you will run four km’s around the area…’
Me: WHAT?! YOU SAID THREE! THREE YOU SAID!’
DS: And then the last two km’s will be running up the hill back to the start’
Me: UP THE WHAT?!
DS: Feel free to do the run twice.
Me: I’d rather set myself on fire.
Me: You promised me this was a 3Km run.
DS: Once you’ve done 3km’s you may as well do another three.
Me: How’s your logic?!

Six hellish km’s later and a lot of swearing, I finished. As promised I was allowed a few celebratory drinkies.

Me: There’s something very right about sitting in running clothes having glasses of wine.
DS: There’s something very wrong about you having four glasses of wine.
Me: Yes, but once you’ve had three, you may as well have another three.
DS: That’s not what I meant.
Me: Works both ways sista.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

THREE IS...



If you have been wondering where I have been for these past few months I shall tell you. Jail. Okay, not literally Jail Jail, but a place very similar where the people are also crazy, life runs on a very strict routine and if you find a cockroach in your meal you eat it for extra protein. Yes, the rumours are true, I have been training for a triathlon.

Now let me preface this story with a very important lesson I learned during this process. Whoever tells you that 3 is a lucky number is talking total bollocks. There is nothing lucky about 3. Think about it… when something bad happens, it happens in threes. The all seeing, all knowing third eye; evil. Third time round the buffet table, baaad idea. Trilogies… you get where I’m going with this. 

So when you combine three sporting events into one race and call it a TRIathlon, let this be a warning that things are not going to be pretty. Add to that mixture a group of people who had their frosted flakes covered in crack for breakfast, a large bag of skittles and a protein shake for lunch and something resembling cardboard with a side of speed for dinner. I’m not kidding, these people are crazy. And if they’re not taking drugs then they definitely should be!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there are some lovely normal people who do triathlons as well and I’m obviously grossly exaggerating the sphere of the crazies, I am however using my artistic license to make a very clear point. 3 is bad for you and triathlons are not for me. I have my very own brand of crazii which I am very comfortable with and fits perfectly into a size 6 running shoe. Period. No goggles, jellyfish, cleats, helmets, gears etc. Just me, my speed racers and the tar.

That being said, I obviously veered off my perfectly crazii path and landed in a place where actually competing in a TRIathlon didn’t seem like such a bad idea. So I did. I swam with jelly fish, biked until I couldn’t feel my butt cheeks and ran with legs as heavy as stone. If any of these things sound like fun to anyone… seek help. It was not fun.

It is however over and I am very thankful for that. It took me 1 week and all 5 phases of grief to get over it.

Denial: I feel fine, this is not really happening to me (while swimming in a swarm of jelly fish singing “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming” ala Dory style.)
Anger: WTF, this seat is so uncomfortable I’ll be lucky if I can ever walk again.
Bargaining: I promise to be a good girl if you please just make it tomorrow (while still on the bike losing all feeling from the waist down.)
Depression: I can’t believe I’m doing this instead of just running with my faithful speed racers. They’ll never speak to me again, I’m going to be all alone, why even go on…

And finally 1 whole week later …
Acceptance:   It’s over and I’m still alive and my speed racers are still talking to me, life is good.

The world has since realigned and I am back to my old Crazii self pounding the tar and leaving the jellies and oily bike chains to the professionals.




Saturday, May 21, 2011

EN(RAPTURE)D


So apparently I am going to die today. Me and everybody else. Well sort of. Actually I’m only going to die sometime between now and October 21st because I’ve been a bad little girl and Santa didn’t give me any presents for Christmas. But all the people who have been good girls and boys, said their prayers and given their pets to kind atheists to look after, will be dying today. So in the spirit of not missing out on all the fun I thought it might be a good idea to try and figuratively kill myself today too. What I didn’t realize was that figurative definition may have translated directly into a very literal event. My only consolation, because so many people will be going to join the Big Man upstairs at the same time, maybe I’ll get caught up in the  rush and he won’t notice what a heathen I really am.

So the literal event… A brain child only I could conjure up in my mind. A 4 week crash course marathon training month. Today 17 miles, next Saturday 20, the following 23 until said Sunday Marathon of 26.2. The catch, the complete lack of  endurance training coupled with a current total weekly mileage of 6 miles (10kms) at a severely fast speed. Result, 1 x dying redhead about to jump in the shower and go horse riding for 2 hours.

Watch this space…

Saturday, May 7, 2011

I'M ALIVE... AND THEN SOME

Apologies, the infinite wisdom that is my cervical cortex has completely forgotten how to use a laptop and all components connected to such a device, hence the total lack of communication. The good news, contrary to popular belief due to the last 6 weeks of radio silence, I am not; unlike the worlds most infamous terrorist, in fact dead. Quite the opposite in fact, very much alive!


News of the last few weeks runs like this: I got a job, relinquished my couch potato status, have run up quota of speed runs, gone to a number of festivals, got a greencard and managed to convince Prince Charming to buy me car! I know, right!


Okay, so let’s start at the beginning. I am an official Legal Alien! Yes, the rumours are true, the USCIS allowed this redheaded African to remain in their country indefinitely! But by George, it was no mean feat… I have filled in paperwork the length of the Amazon, had my eyes, fingerprints and pretty much every aspect of my body inspected, poked and prodded and swore to not do a number of things I wasn’t aware any human was allowed to do, let alone legal aliens. So now after swearing that I have never been and have no intention of becoming a prostitute, drug trafficker, terrorist, or late night TV show host; I was bestowed the privilege of becoming a Greedcard Holder, Woohoo! Thank you America!


So with my new found plastic card in hand (it is actually green too) I set about doing what any newly sensible legal alien would do, drink! No seriously, whilst I may have slicked down a few celebratory glasses of champers, what I really did was get a job. I know, after 6 months of official couch potato duties, they were rudely taken away from me in favour of 50 hour weeks and my own company! Again, in this redhead’s infinite wisdom, the solution to my unemployment status was to start my own company thereby alleviating some guilt in the form of set-up work, website creation etc etc. What I didn’t factor into the equation was that I would actually get a client. I know, a real life, living, breathing, 100% American client! So now, my little one-man architectural consultancy company is already flourishing and if, by some stretch of the imagination, I get another client I’m going to have to hire employees… yikes! But I’ll cross that bridge if it ever needs to be crossed, at high speed, in my new black beauty!


Yip, ladies and gents, say hello to Graca Michelle! She’s as regal as both the first ladies she’s named after, as fast as lightning and as her name sakes suggests, beautifully black and gorgeous! This new little edition to our family comes in the form of a Golf GTI and is courtesy of my wonderful Prince Charming! His reasoning: new job = new wheels! Love him! (Let’s hope new house doesn’t mean new babies ;-)


With speed seemingly the new mantra at the moment, I have tried to incorporate that into my running. Much to my utter horror GI Jane has me doing speedwork which is about as much fun as having hot coffee poured into your eyes balls! 8 x 400m sprints at 6 minute mile intervals with a 1:30 break between, yip, think hot coffee and eyeballs. However, (and I say this with great resistant to the continuation of such early morning hell) it does seem to be paying off. My average pace has dropped from a 9 minute mile to a 7:45 minute mile for half marathons and a 6:55 minute mile for 5km races. Which amazingly puts me a position to actually place. I know, right… really?!?! Yes, could just be America or (and I know this is a stretch for the imagination), I could actually be getting faster ;-)

So with my legs doing their own thing, my fingers drawing away on the computer, my feet putting pedal to the metal and my shelves filling up with awards, this love-up’d redhead is seriously happy and content. I promise, not so long between news feeds from now on!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

TRAINERS

I had to buy new trainers the other day (and no, not the sexy kind that come with huge biceps and a six pack, but rather the kind that comes with a new loan from the bank and weeks worth of comfort manipulation training). Apparently it was time for me to lay my beloved speed racers to rest. As a matter of course every runner should replace their trainers somewhere between 500kms and the complete lack of sole. My dead give away was my pinky toes sticking out of each side of the shoes showing of my glorious rainbow sock collection, apparently they were not going to start flapping and fly me over the finish line. So it was with great sadness I lay to rest my 2nd official pair of speed racers and thanked them for getting me through some of the best times of my life. With 1500 grueling kms under their belt, they are not old and haggard, they are a beacon of inspiration; and will be honoured in the plushest part of my walk-in and greeted each morning with a smile and nod to the greatness they achieved.

I hesitantly welcome my new racers into my world as it would appear they have been spending a lot of time with my 12 inch heels and have been getting some ideas about how to cause excruciating blisters and needle point accurate pain just in time for summer and sandal worthy toes! Whilst I appreciate that the new kid in school needs to be treated with tenderness and care, I have adopted the tough love policy theory and have relegate my new smart ass shoes to the corner when they will stay until I have decided whether or not to run them over in an effort to speed the running education process!

In other news, it would appear that my G.I. Jane boot camp instructors constant torture chamber of love is beginning to pay off. Whilst pumping some serious iron one Friday morning (read 8 pounds and a look on my face that could melt steel), my scapula decided it had had enough of this sissy weight lifting and forcefully jammed itself against one clearly easily enchanted nerve. Bring on the pain that one seriously pinched nerve can cause and the realisation that Sunday brought the prelude to St Patrick's Day in the form of The Shamrock Run. A 10 mile race around a park dressed as the silliest green/irish character you can think of! Cue a strapped and bandage leprechaun with high socks, a goggly alice-band and sling running around the park repeating every irish swear word she knows! And to make the situation even more Irish, they gave me an award. No, not for looking the silliest (which by george I'm pretty sure I did), but for actually coming 2nd! Seriously! This was not exactly how I imagined my "Chariots of Fire" moment in the sun... hobbling to receive my award, tears streaming down my red and blotchy face cursing under my breath that the plaque was actually Vicadin in disguise!

But this story ends well. I have since recovered, my scapula has released it's bear-claw hold on my nerve and they are now communicating in small but manageably painful playful jabs. I am back at boot camp for the fun that is interval and sprint training and have managed to survive my first Paddy's day behind the bar! Now that is another story... Happy Hump Day Peeps!

Monday, February 21, 2011

WALKING: WHO NEEDS IT!

Remember my last post and how I so proudly said I was walking freely into the new year etc etc... well everything but one thing is true about that statement, the walking part! Upon our return from Key West and clearly still on a high from the incredible adventure/delicious cans of Strongbow; I made a pact with myself that I might actually try take this running business a bit more seriously. By this I mean maybe pound some tar once a week just to make sure the old legs, you know, stay in shape and whatever. So with this seed very well nestled in the "I am Crazii's evil twin" side of the brian... I joined a gym! 

I know! Even as the words tumble onto the page, I am still in shock as to how this whole process started in motion. What started as a wonderful field trip discovering the inner workings of (all bars in) Key West ended with a signed piece of paper, a gym card and *gasp* and locker number surrounded by *gasp* sweat and *gasp* spandex! And to add insult to injury, the only class that seemed like a realistically feasible option started at 6am! Now I know what you're thinking... who in their currently unemployed state would voluntarily wake up at that hour of the morning to go to the gym... As I said before; Crazii's evil twin. However there is a very loosely interpreted reasonable explanation for this, namely I couldn't actually participate in any of the other classes for various reasons:
  1. Spinning - I value my rear end too much.
  2. Yoga - I haven't been able to touch my toes since my 10th birthday.
  3. Dance - My 2 left feet prohibit such an action, especially in public where injury may occur.
  4. Pilates - refer to point 2.
  5. Ab training - hahahahahahahahahahahaha, laughing at the sheer thought was training enough!
... which leaves only... 6. Cardio Bootcamp - Bingo!

My thinking this: it's cardio so basically running, which is essentially why I find myself in this predicament in the first place. I glossed over the bootcamp part for obvious reasons, namely the blatant connection with pain and possibility of cross training and set off to meet my new found running self! Wow, do my new found running self and I have seriously differing opinions of what running/exercise actually are. 
  • Day 1: weights, dumbells and some sort of thinking I can do sit ups, hahahahaha!
  • Day 2: aerobic step climber, skipping rope and some sort of thinking I can do push ups, hahahahaha!
  • Day 3: 2 mile TT (for those lucky enough not to know what TT stands for, it means torture treatment, also known as a time trial)
(insert all manner of creative words and phrases here)

Which brings me back to walking freely and now the complete inability to do so! With the bootcamp instructor literally being ex military and as svelt and toned as any abnormal female would be, it is the fear of future class punishment that keeps me returning week in and week out... she knows where I live and should I miss a class, I fear I might lose something a little more than the calories associated with my daily fried food intake! However (and this is Crazii's evil twin talking here) she has managed to convince my brain that maybe, just maybe, the ageless concept of cross training is not quite as insane as originally believed (see Sweat and Spandex: Ch 2 for my opinion on this matter) and the proof has literally been in the pudding:
  • 5kms Time Trials in under 23 mins
  • Half marathons in 1h46m
  • Crazii doing sit ups and push ups
  • (I've even been known to lift a few weights here and there, but don't spread the news around)
The major point however, being that after each wonderous achievement, walking usually becomes a problem. And whilst G.I. Jane doesn't seem to think this is a problem, my inability to walk to the phone and call for pizza delivery is seriously concerning!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I feel I should come back with a bang after being on a eating and drinking sabbatical for a month and this being a new year and all too. However, with all the bangs used up in the glorious Christmas crackers scattered in Christmas tree and wrapping heaven at the moment, I'm afraid I'm going to resort to a good old faithful storyline I am very familiar with... running. Don't despair however, as always, there is pain and suffering, joy and laughter and this one comprises of an extra special treat of involving 11 men and me! Got your attention now, don't I!

I am pleased to announce however that this time round, there was no true Crazii style of entering a race and then being a couch potato three weeks before. Nope, I was asked to be a part of a team a few weeks before this amazing event and was therefore content to sit on the couch and relax in fear of pulling something and thereby letting the whole team down. Especially as I was a substitute for a runner who had to resign due to medical reasons! So with relaxing in full swing I set about actually finding out what I had signed a very extensive waiver regarding death by alligator and such for... 

Ragner Relay - Miami to Key West - 191.1 miles
You and 11 of your closest friends running 200(ish) miles, day and night, relay-style, through some of the most scenic terrain North America could muster. Add in crazy runners, inside jokes and a mild case of sleep deprivation. The result? Some call it a slumber party without sleep, pillows or deodorant. We call it a Ragnar Relay.  It's really quite simple. Get a bunch of friends together and start running. Okay, there's a little more to it. Your relay team will consist of 12 members (or 6 for Ultra teams). Almost anyone can run in this relay race...if you train. During the relay, each team member runs three legs, ranging between 3 and 9 miles and varying in difficulty. So, from the elite runner down to the intermittent jogger, it's the ideal relay for anyone in search of an unforgettable adventure.

WTF HAVE I DONE! Sorry excuse the french, but really... Miami to Key West. It's basically exactly like running from Cape Town to Riversdale, or Cape Town to Hermanus and back and then back to Hermanus! With 12 of your closest friends... I don't know a single person and all my friends are female! And see that bit about training... I'm totally screwed! So basically I had signed myself up to run a race with 11 people I didn't know, running down a continent I had only been on for 3 months with a bunch of men who all play soccer together. Brilliant! Here's hoping some of them look like David Beckham!


So with that news I continued my couch potato activities more in  fear than anything else... our first team meeting should be interesting!  Cue 11 David Beckham's, English accents all round and the bonus that they all had brains! Okay, well not really, there were no Beckham look-a-likes but they did all have grey matter unlike their British counterpart. And some were even English. So I sat, speechless amongst a motley crew of Brits, Italians, 1 German, a few Americans and me. The only girl, the only South African and the youngest team member who couldn't for the life of her play a second of soccer! And to add insult to injury, it would appear that they all thought I could run, far... hmmm, things are gonna get interesting


And so began the best 48 hours of fun I have had in ages!  11 brilliant team members, copious amounts of enthusiasm and laughs and continual support for 191 miles! Running in daylight, through the everglades, the ghetto and the sea. Running in darkness through the keys, over bridges and through roadside forests. Running with support cheers and laughs, running alone with only your thoughts, but always running towards something and someone and to a finish where you know there will be smiles, food and a well deserved pat on the back! It was brilliant! A few hours kip caught in a park, a few sips of coffee caught on the run and a few jokes and gear changes changes thrown in for good measure. With a total of just over 20 miles under the belt and the sight of Key West within reach we finished our amazing adventure by running 12 abreast over the finish line to cheers and smiles, hugs and Prince Charming and a full bar! Hooray for my team mates, my husband and a warm shower!




So with that, I walk fearlessly into the New Year knowing if anything, it will be full of adventures and surprises, new friends and bright and loving smiles!