TIME

Time. The intangible element that governs all things on this planet. When you need it, it speeds up; when you don’t, it slows down. It’s infuriating at the best of times (har har) and is just so annoyingly consistent that you wish you could alter or PVR it just for a second. Hold that moment in time when your breath was taken away, that smile that lit up your day, the moment just before the sunset… the list is endless. But, as science and religion can both attest to, you cannot. You either ignore the fact that is it there or try your damndest to make sure you fitted everything into life that you wanted to!

This is where I am now… making massive, exciting life changing decisions about work, relocation, 1 man and how many shoes I can pack! And honestly, it was tentively thought about for the last 6 months, that’s it. But 4 magical weeks ago an innocent conversation over the bar turned into the path I have been looking for my entire (26 years) tenure on this planet. At that moment the only way to explain it is this “you know when you just know that something in life is exactly what you want and you just have to follow it no matter where it takes you. Well I just know, and that’s where I’m going”. And Time, how do you think he feels about all of this, doesn’t give a rats ass!

So now begins the usual 6 month planning process of informing everyone, finding a new job, apartment, deciding what size suitcase to pack, meeting the friends and family and pretty much redrawing the canvas that has been life for the past 26 years. All in 6 weeks! And the kicker… I COULDN’T BE MORE EXCITED ABOUT ANYTHING!

When the details are all finalized, I promise to be less vague and give you a full update of what, when, where, how and with whom. Until then… smile with me!

I LIED...

I lied… the party never ends. This point was proven with fierce determination last night. The Perpetual Student, Thunder, The Jetsetter and I decided we’d had enough testosterone for a while and set about invading our favourite pizza restaurant with good old fashion pheromones and high pitch voices. Cue bubbles, boy talk, some pizza and more boy talk for a long overdue schmooze and bitch session, political banter and general all round good fun! With the voice levels rising exponentially in direct proportion to the alcohol consumption, a very good time was had all round.

As my name sake suggests, the lack of sanity coupled with the increased level of bubbles in my system, a decision was made to go throw name on a dance floor with Pint Size! Cue The Local up the road, a few tasty jaegerbombs and some stiff bum shaking on the dance floor. With the bewitching hour fast approaching and the remaining sanity slowly seeping away with the night a decision was made to make like a Shepard and get the flock outta there. Cue our very own personal body guard, a guided walk home and dreams of the Grease moves pulled on the dance floor.

Or where they only dreams… arg!

THE END

I found out this morning that apparently that party does end… and it’s a rather abrupt ending. My story goes like this:

*BEEEEEEEEEP* BEEEEEEEEEP* BEEEEEEEEPP*
Me: WTF?
*BEEEEEEEEEP* BEEEEEEEEEP* BEEEEEEEEPP*
Me: Oh Crap…
*BEEEEEEEEEP* BEEEEEEEEEP* BEEEEEEEEPP*
Me: okay, enough already I’m up!
SMACK!
Me: Ouch, that was my foot you “#$%^&” bed
THWACK!
Me: Arg, really, I left those there last night?
GDONK!
Me: Wow, I’m pretty sure that door wasn't there before???

And this is all before I have put my running kit on and hit the tar! Word of warning, do not binge smoke and drink for 3 weeks while ill and then think you can run double digit kms without any recourse. During the hours of 5:30am and 7am this morning I managed to lose a lung, cause severe discomfort to my calves, back and quads and pretty much electroshock my body into running again… bad bad idea! I am now currently sitting at my desk without the ability to walk and breathe, dying for the bathroom and actually frightened about 5pm rolling around because it will involve me moving more than just my arms and mouth!

Ah, the joys of being back on the road again! Time trial tomorrow morning, can’t wait!

THE ROAD GOES ON FOREVER AND THE PARTY NEVER ENDS

As much as I would like to apologies for my absence on these here digital pages and give a very valid excuse as to why I have not had time to write, I’m afraid I have no reasons other than the truth. My liver and lungs went on a massive binge session together about 2 weeks ago, obviously had a big falling out over something and I now find myself at the end of what has been an extremely interesting fortnight.

Liver: Let’s go out a have a drink.
Lungs: Okay, but only one and we’re not playing “flirt with the smoker”
Liver: Boring… why do you always have to be such a kill joy.
Lungs: Because if I’m not working neither are you.
Liver: Right, fair enough.

Needless to say, they both embraced my new found singledom with the fervour and energy of a small child on chocolate, proceeded to party like the rock stars they were in their previous lives and leave the rest of my body helpless and without the ability to move. Cue 1 week on the couch, Christian Troy’s devilishly handsome derrière and my lungs and liver never to be seen together again.

Thankfully, I am officially on the mend, 1 lung has sheepishly returned with a whisper of when I may expect the other, however I daresay he is still seeking asylum somewhere very far away from my liver. I am unfortunately back in the world of reality which means doing real work things like TPS reports and hanging around the water cooler, which at this stage pales in comparison to stalkbook and pretending to work while having sumo wrestlers hanging off your eyelids!

But alas, It’s Monday Peeps, the fight resumes with renewed vigour and I promise, more updates, less hangover induced injuries.

Yay! Aaahhh...

Travelling, yay! Delayed, aaahhh… Meeting friends, yay! Family coming too, aaahhh… But going on holiday, yay! Going to lose a day because delayed, aaahhh... This is a game The Cousin plays with everything in life in general. And this is how I currently feel about my travelling element to work. I like traveling, when it entails me getting to the destination to enjoy the journey. This is not currently so with work. Although The Big Smoke is better than say, going to Mongolia, it is currently putting a very large damper on my romantic and social life with local family and friends, aaahhh… However, as I do have family and another extensive group of friends in The Big Smoke, I am never sitting on my ace wishing I was in Mongolia, yay! That being said however, I do spend an unimaginable amount of time in airports. And by airports I mean McGinty’s in Jozi and Rhapsody’s in Cape Town. I think the barmen even recognizes me because I always get a “complimentary Savannah” as I arrive, yay! But I do end up consuming enough to outway that complimentary 10-1, aaahhh. Anyway, I digress…

The point of this little rant is that I am always delayed. Aaahhh... Always, aaahhh... And it never comes with a Business Class upgrade, aaahhh... Can you see where this is going??? I always end up sitting alone, having just dropped half a bar at Exclusive Books (because I do have a problem, I feel the same way about books as I do about shoes, need I say more) and consuming my body weight in carbo filled cider.

And right now is no different. 2 Savanna’s down, a 2 hour delay ahead of me and a declined credit card at Exclusive Books I feel the only think to say is, aaahhh…

AYOBA!!!

Okay wow, I am still totally blown away. As a non sport fan and pretty much useless human when to comes to having any knowledge about any sport bar running, I have been transformed! On Friday night I was at Soccer City! The awesomeness of the place is just completely indescribable. 84 000 people, all essentially Ghanaen fans, 2 successful and epic mexican waves and one seriously momentous game of football. There was screaming, there was joy and finally there were tears… but regardless of the outcome, it was incredible. I am proud to be South African!

Roll on Saturday and a day spent in the depths of Soweto throwing name and voice on the dance floor in the most awesome Shebeen around! Being white, we obviously blended right into a crowd of lets say 100 completely ecstatic and enthusiastic faces! We danced, we braaied, we talked a lot of crap and somewhere in between we managed to scream and shout for the shared teams that had brought us together in the first place!

So well done Germany and Spain, but a huge well done and thank you to South Africa! We ROCK!